I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
