i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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