fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
