well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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