Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
