I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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