no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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