i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
