we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
