it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
