I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
