you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
