so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
