oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
