I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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