I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
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