Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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