I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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