hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
