and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
