piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
