hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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