mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
