Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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