So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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