Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
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