you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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