I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
