I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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