sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my shit smells like andre
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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