We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
