Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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