alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
