So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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