I heard we made out
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
