he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
