I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
