you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
