Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
