It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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