WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't put those talents on a resume
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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