If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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