You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
