OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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