I got chris browned last night
she was so not down for the gang bang
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
