So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
