I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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