Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
