She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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