Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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