I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
